The Return of the Wet Nurse

The Daily Mail in the UK ran a story today on the growing trend of wet nursing both in the UK and in California. Occasionally called cross-nursing or shared feeding, reasons for the resurgence of the practice range from medical (a women hurt in a car accident) to convenience (mother’s returning to work too soon but wanting their children to enjoy the benefits of breastfeeding) to vanity (women with breast implants who have difficulties breastfeeding).

The article explains the serious health risk this practice poses, as breast-milk can pass on everything from HIV and syphilis to TB and hepatitis. Furthermore, breastfeeding groups like La Leche League explain that breastmilk changes as the child grows and contains different enzymes and antibodies. Spokeswoman Anna Burbidge says “Your milk will not have the makeup which will necessarily suit another child and it also worries me that it might affect the baby psychologically to be fed so intimately by another woman, or even more than one.”

The article also discusses the idea that many people are outraged by the practice because it is the last mothering taboo, because we think it is too sensual, too intimate. I wondered if this argument was suggesting that those who are worried by the practice are being “prudish”? In fact, my objection to the idea of wet nursing is rooted in something else entirely.

Since when did our culture get so screwed up that it is more important to work than to feed your own child!?! I know the cost of living is outrageous. I know that it’s hard to make ends meet on a single income. I know that mothers want a life and a career too, that we don’t want to stay stuck at home with the chores and the kids, feeling like our identities are entirely wrapped up in our kids. But has anyone looked at the alternative? We’ve become a society that would rather our identities be wrapped up in consuming, in having the big house, the two cars, in climbing the corporate ladder, being successful. We have fallen into this trap where we live a certain way because we think we have to. Could we not make sacrifices so that we can feed our children ourselves??

I am all for women’s rights, for equality, for not being automatically given the role of Susie Homemaker just because I am a woman. I am glad that we got the vote, that we can wear pants, that we are allowed to have any job we are interested in. I am ecstatic that my husband changes diapers, was present at my son’s birth, helps with the housework. I feel fulfilled by my activities that aren’t directly related to my family (my work, my friends, my hobbies).

But in our quest for equality, we’ve somehow decided that all the things women used to do (taking care of home and family) are lesser jobs, menial jobs. I wonder sometimes if those jobs aren’t the more important ones: nurturing our children, feeding our families nutritious food, making the home a happy healthy place to grow. Since when did it become so shameful to want to be a part of that? Since when did it become so important to focus on life outside of family (work, friends, hobbies) that we are willing to pay someone else to feed our babies? That we say we have to live this way, we have no choice?

On the one hand, I’m thrilled that the breastfeeding message is getting out there, that women realize there are benefits to breastfeeding. As the Daily Mail says “Yet a steadily growing minority of mothers now believe that wet-nursing is the answer to the eternal dilemma of women who want to go back to work but also want their babies to enjoy the benefits of breast-milk.” (emphasis added) On the other hand, it worries me that these women can’t be bothered to do it themselves.

I can’t help but feel that there is something seriously wrong with our culture when women are so selfish that they want the implants and the job and the house and the perfect accessory, a baby (who is breastfed), without sacrificing anything? Anything but their relationship with their child, that is.

The Daily Mail article has it right when they say it’s one thing to wet-nurse for health reasons (although even then, there are alternatives like the milk bank) and quite another to do it out of convenience. I really hope that this trend remains in the minority and that the only reason it’s making news is because it’s sensational.

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