Passage: Rituals for Birthing

Anthropologists tell us, and we generally agree, that important life passages are more easily assimilated when accompanied by a ceremony or ritual, a rite of passage. North Americans celebrate some of these pivotal moments like graduation and marriage. Another common example is the Jewish tradition of Bar Mitzvah. I’m sure you’ve also heard that some southern States still celebrate the coming of age of teenage girls with Debutante parties. But when it comes to birth, North Americans have startlingly few traditions for welcoming a new baby and marking the crossover from coupledom to parenthood.

There is, of course, the Baby Shower, gifts and visits from friends and family. Otherwise, we have so little to mark this passage that anthropologists and feminists alike have taken to examining the practices in our hospitals, within our medical model of birth, as cold and clinical as these are, as our North American rites of passage. Perhaps it is our roots in the Victorian era and Puritanism that have robbed us of our dances, our songs, our ceremonies. Perhaps it is our collective tendency towards secularism that has taken the spiritual out of the celebration of birth. Or perhaps it is our fascination and absolute belief in science, medicine and technology that has lead us away from superstitious rites to ward off evil and wish good fortune on our young.

Whatever the reason for our lack of clear birth rites, we are increasingly aware that becoming a parent, especially for the first time, is a period of intense upheaval, growth and change as we shed the status of individual (albeit temporarily) and take on the role of caregiver. It is the ultimate lesson of adulthood to put aside the ego in favour of our offspring and to fully examine ourselves in the hopes of being a positive role model. And we are beginning to see that we are sadly deficient in traditions to mark this tumultuous time. A look at some of the rites of other cultures and times will give us some inspiration for creating new traditions of our own.

Muslim Birth Rites
The first words a baby born to Muslim parents will hear is the Muslim call to prayer (the adhan) whispered in the right ear by his or her father. The baby’s first taste should be something sweet and the parents will chew a piece of date and rub the juice on baby’s gums. On the seventh day, the baby’s head will be shaved to show that the child is a servant of Allah.

Hindu Birth Rites
The baby is welcomed into the world with the jatakarma ceremony. The father will place ghee and honey in the baby’s mouth and whisper the name of God in the child’s ear. On the eleventh day, the baby will be dressed in new clothes for the naming ceremony which will often include songs, a feast and sometimes a fire sacrifice.

Jewish Birth Rites
It is traditional for babies to be given their names at the first public gathering. For boys this will be their circumcisions, usually attended by men, when the baby is eight days old. For girls, this will be the first public reading of the Torah.

Samoan Birth Rites
The father must prepare and serve a traditional coconut dish by himself for the mother to eat immediately after the birth, as her first sustenance. The most important part of the “passage” is for the mother to plant the placenta in her family’s land to assure the child that he is heir to the land of both parents’ families and to welcome the baby to our world.

Sikh Birth Rites
Once the mother is well enough to move about and have a bath, the family and friends go to a Gurdwara with a sacred pudding to sing hymns of joy and thankfulness, read holy texts, name the child according to custom and to share the pudding.

Chinese Birth Rites
According to the ancient text, the Book of Rites, the baby would be named in the first few days and the new father would report the news to friends and family, especially his wife’s parents, whom he would bring a red egg. When the baby was three days old there would be a special bathing ceremony. Visitors would bring gifts with symbolic meanings and the host would serve noodles and cakes.

Zuni Birth Rites
In the 1890s, a Zuni Indian mother would birth surrounded by the elder women in her family and after the placenta was delivered, her grandmother would throw it in the river to be washed downstream. After six days, the new baby would be introduced to the Zuni gods and become an official member of the community.

Guatemalan Birth Rites
When a Quiche woman learns of her pregnancy, she goes with her husband to tell the elected leaders because the child will belong to the whole community. The leaders help to choose second parents or grandparents (abuelos) who will help the child to follow in their ancestors’ traditions. The community will bring the woman small gifts everyday and she will tell them her problems. After the birth, the new baby and mother will be left alone in a special place for eight days; her only visitors will be those who bring her food. This is the time for the baby to become integrated into its new family. There will be a fiesta for the family and then the neighbours will begin to visit bringing food for the mother or gifts for the baby. After this, the house will be cleaned, new clothes will be put on the baby and candles will be lit to show the baby his home.

Ancient Malaysian and Indonesian Birth Rites
A midwife would assist the labouring woman and delivery would occur at home because it was believed that the baby’s first cry was one of loyalty and respect for the parents and should be heard at home. Other women would stay with the mother to offer support and encouragement. After the birth, the baby would be bathed and prayers whispered in the baby’s ear. The baby was given to its mother to be introduced to the grandparents. The placenta was washed and put in a pot to be kept near the mother until it was buried in the ground after 40 days.

Some common threads in the various birth rites around the world are:

• the significance of naming and holding naming ceremonies

• the role of the father

• the use of songs, dances and prayer or holy words

• special food or feasts

• giving of gifts (often symbolic)

• surrounding the mother with older women

• the presentation of the baby to the community, deity or family or the formal announcement of the birth

• bathing or cleaning

• the disposal of the placenta

• following specific steps at specific times (waiting the appropriate amount of days before each part of the rite).

Lastly, it is worth noting that many of the traditions are careful to address the event both in terms of the private family significance as well as the public community significance.

There is a resurgence of interest in creating positive and lasting birth rites in our culture and I was very fortunate to experience some of these. We attended prenatal classes based on the book Birthing From Within. During these classes, we covered the usual (stages of birth, breastfeeding, etc.) but we also created art together, had our feet rubbed by our partners and broke into groups (women only and men only) to discuss our fears and expectations.

We also learned about a Food Train. A designated friend would be responsible for organizing a list of people to create meals for the new family and either delivering them ahead of time to put in the freezer or dropping them off every three days. Depending on the number of people involved, the new family can go for as long as a month, knowing that dinner would be taken care of every third night. Our friends organized a food train for us and it made our first weeks with a newborn infinitely easier. It was also a wonderful encouragement to see the outpouring of love and support from our community.

The absolute highlight of the weekend was the Sunday morning when all of the mamas surprised their partners by bringing in items from home representing the father, the mother and the baby and explaining our choices to the class. It was a lovely, thoughtful and emotional morning and such a positive experience to witness each person open up with relative strangers and share their hopes and fears about their upcoming passage into parenthood.

Sources

Book of Rites - http://www.chinaculture.org/gb/en_chinaway/2006-02/23/content_79633.htm
Muslim Birth Rites- http://www.bbc.co.uk/religion/religions/islam/ritesrituals/birth.shtml
Hindu Birth Rites - http://hinduism.iskcon.com/practice/601.htm
Jewish Birth Rites - http://www.bbc.co.uk/religion/religions/judaism/rites/birth.shtml
Samoan Birth Rites - http://src.unescoapceiu.org/pdf/2006/sangsaeng/061230_ss_vol17_p46-47.pdf
Sikh Birth Rites - http://www.sgpc.net/sikhism/birth-and-name.asp
Guatemalan Birth Rituals - http://www.worldtrek.org/odyssey/latinamerica/rigoberta/07-11.html
Ancient Malaysia and Indonesia - www.americanbaby.com

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Creating our Own Birth Rites

As we brainstorm ideas for our own birth rites, try to keep in mind that in addition to honouring the baby, we can and should also honour the mother, the father, the family, the community and if spiritual, the deity. It is especially important that the mother and father play a part in the ceremony or ritual because they too are born out of the birth. There is also a growing body of evidence that suggests that rites for the mother are most beneficial when they involve gathering fellow women and mothers around her for support, advice and encouragement.

What can you do to create special birth rites for your birth or for a friend or family member?

The Birth

• Carefully consider who you would like present at the birth, who you would like as the first visitors. Ask that they respect the sacredness of the event.


• Think of ways that you can honour the baby in the first moments after the birth. Light candles for mother, father and grandparents. Keep the last candle (for the baby) unlit until after the birth. Have a special person light the baby’s candle.


• If you have had a healthy, complication-free pregnancy, research the possibility of having a homebirth, even if you hadn’t thought of it previously. Homebirth is often an extremely rewarding and uplifting experience. You have more control over who is present and where and how you labour. In terms of rites of passage, the added bonus is that your baby will arrive into the safe, comforting atmosphere of his/her own home. Think of the ways that home and shelter are important to you and consider whether you would like to honour those values in your birth. For more info on homebirth, how to prepare and safety concerns, visit www.sweethomebirth.com or talk to your health practitioner.


• If you decide that homebirth is right for you, search for a practitioner who will be willing to attend. Try your local Midwives Association for a referral to a midwife.


• Commit to Lying In. That is, to spend the first 5-15 days of baby’s life in, on or near the bed. This means, mom and baby for sure but if possible, dad and siblings as well. Don’t have too many visitors and don’t venture out of the house. Cocoon, recover and get to know each other. Cement your new family. Have dad or relatives take care of cooking, cleaning and laundry. Set the number of days for lying in and stick to it. (Read the article in Mothering Magazine Sept Oct 2006).

Baby's First Bath

• Organize a special setting for baby’s first bath. Use candles. Recite poetry or say some special words of thanks for your baby. Make the bath as calming and enjoyable for baby as possible.

• Request that the nurses not bath your baby. Perform the first bath yourself. Turn the lights down low. Make the occasion an intimate first moment as a family. Count toes. Whisper. Make eye contact. Get to know each other.

Remember: baby has just come from an environment of warmth and wetness. As long as they are warm enough and feel supported, there is no reason they shouldn’t relax during their first bath.

Food/Feast

• If your family has a special meal that you eat at certain times of the year, have a close relative prepare it for you as the first meal after the baby is born or comes home from the hospital.

• If you have an ethnic dessert or sweet in your family traditions, make a big batch to distribute to visitors in honour of your baby’s heritage.

• Make a Groaning Cake during early labour to share with birth attendants and well wishers after the birth. Amy McKay talks about Groaning Cakes in her novel, The Birth House and she has a recipe on her website: http://www.thebirthhouse.com/recipes.htm.

• Have a friend bring over a birthday cake for the baby when you return home from the hospital.

Ceremonies/Naming

• Plan a Welcome Baby party/Presentation Ceremony. Invite friends and family to a gathering to meet and celebrate the baby. Remember to wait an appropriate amount of time before committing to a large gathering. You want to enjoy the occasion and not tire yourself when you are recovering from birth and learning to parent. Try to enlist a friend or relative to do most of the planning and hosting.

• Consider keeping the baby’s name a secret until you can have a formal presentation at your home, place of worship or another planned gathering like the one suggested above.

• Invite friends and relatives to bring small symbolic gifts to present at the ceremony. Have them explain what the gift represents for the baby. Eg. a coin for wealth, an apple for health, a needle and thread for industriousness, a plant for growth and respect of nature. Encourage guests to use their imagination or to look for ideas online.

• Provide guests with a list of flower meanings before the party and have each bring a single flower representing their hopes for the baby. After guests present and explain their choice, combine all of the flowers into a single bouquet representing the support of the baby’s community. Take a picture of baby and guests with the bouquet.

• Think of ways you can incorporate the spiritual into your celebration. Say a prayer or sing. Read a religious text. Ask your religious leader if there is some formal presentation that could be done in your place of worship.

Miscellaneous

• Ask the doctors to give you the placenta. Plant it in your garden under a new fruit tree. The tree will receive extra nourishment from the mineral rich placenta. In years to come, your child will know this tree as their tree.

• Keep a pregnancy journal and continue writing in it in the first months after baby is born to document and work through your feelings.

• Write out your birth story and consider sharing it with friends or an online community such as www.mothering.com or have it posted at www.sweethomebirth.com. This is a great way to process and reflect on the event.

• Read Birthing From Within by Pam England and try some of the many many great suggestions.

• Have friends organize a Blessingway rather than a baby shower. A Blessingway is a mother-centered ceremony/celebration based on the Navajo tradition and preformed late in pregnancy. Usually attended only by women, it is meant to acknowledge and give strength to the mother for the sacred journey she is about to undertake. For more info, check out Blessingways; A Guide to Mother-Centered Baby Showers by Shari Maser www.blessingway.net

• Brainstorm ways you can involve the father over and above the usual (announcing the birth by calling family and cutting the umbilical cord). Ask him if there is something special that he would like to do. Acknowledge that he is undergoing a passage as well (even if he may not show it).

Sources

Blessingways - http://mother-care.ca/blessing.htm

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On The Shelf

Birthing Fathers: The Transformation Of Men In American Rites Of Birth
by Richard K. Reed

Publisher's Description:

"Birthing Fathers is a groundbreaking anthropological and sociological analysis of American fatherhood and men’s role in birthing."

— Robbie Davis-Floyd, author of Birth as an American Rite of Passage

"Treating birth as ritual, Reed makes clever use of his anthropological expertise, qualitative data, and personal experience to bring to life the frustrations and joys men often encounter as they navigate the medical model of birthing."

— William Marsiglio, author Sex, Men, and Babies: Stories of Awareness and Responsibility

In the past two decades, men have gone from being excluded from the delivery room to being admitted, then invited, and, finally, expected to participate actively in the birth of their children. No longer mere observers, fathers attend baby showers, go to birthing classes, and share in the intimate, everyday details of their partners’ pregnancies.

In this unique study, Richard Reed draws on the feminist critique of professionalized medical birthing to argue that the clinical nature of medical intervention distances fathers from child delivery. He explores men’s roles in childbirth and the ways in which birth transforms a man’s identity and his relations with his partner, his new baby, and society. In other societies, birth is recognized as an important rite of passage for fathers. Yet, in American culture, despite the fact that fathers are admitted into delivery rooms, little attention is given to their transition to fatherhood.

The book concludes with an exploration of what men’s roles in childbirth tell us about gender and American society. Reed suggests that it is no coincidence that men’s participation in the birthing process developed in parallel to changing definitions of fatherhood more broadly. Over the past twenty years, it has become expected that fathers, in addition to being strong and dependable, will be empathetic and nurturing.

Well-researched, candidly written, and enriched with personal accounts of over fifty men from all parts of the world, this book is as much about the birth of fathers as it is about fathers in birth.











Birth as an American Rite of Passage
by Robbie Davis-Floyd

From Library Journal:

Davis-Floyd has written a brilliant feminist analysis of childbirth rites of passage in American culture. These rites, she argues, take away women's power over their bodies, naturally designed to bring life into the world, and for no physiological reason give it to the medical system. She believes that society, intimidated by women's ability to give birth, has designed obstetrical rituals that are far more complex than natural childbirth itself in order to deliver what is from nature into culture. "In this way," she writes, "society symbolically demonstrates ownership of its product." This beautiful book, full of insightful interviews with women on a range of birth experiences and with an extensive bibliography, is a wonderful addition to the growing literature on the anthropology of the body and the theoretical debates over mind/body and nature/culture dichotomies. Essential for all anthropology and women's studies collections and medical school libraries and highly recommended for public libraries.

- Patricia Sarles, Mt. Sinai Medical Ctr. Lib., New York

"[Davis-Floyd] is a respectful listener who has encouraged her subjects to speak honestly about a complex experience. Consequently, even skeptical readers of the fascinating stories she has gathered should be prompted to reflect on the meaning of their own or their partners' experience of birth. . . . I admire, without reservation, the generous, critical, passionate spirit that animates this book."

- Sara Ruddick, New York Times Book Review

Amazon.ca reviews:

Necessary reading
October 16, 2005
Reviewer: Doulawoman (Oklahoma City OK)

If you really want to know what to expect when you're expecting, read this book and Henci Goer's Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth. If you'd really like to remove yourself from the technobirth machine, read Ina May Gaskin's Ina May's Guide to Childbirth and Spiritual Midwifery. If you've always thought you might want a natural birth, read Peggy O'Mara's Having a Baby, Naturally. And remember this one thing: If you really (really) want a natural, unmedicated birth, don't give birth in a hospital.

Wonderful and thoughtful reading experience!
October 10, 2000
Reviewer: Christina B Morrow "christinaburden" (Galveston, Texas United States)

If you are a woman looking for a thoughtful review of our modern birthing culture this is a wonderful book. I have read a lot about birth options, perspectives of the birth experience, and midwifery history and philosophy but went away wanting for more. My desire to really explore an informed text about our birthing culture was finally satiated by this book. I am not an anthropologist by training and yet found the book accessible, educational, and challenging. I really suggest this book be read by everyone interested in the birth experience, partners, attendants, birthing woman, or children of technocracy.

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Reflection

• Can you think of any North American birth rites?

• Would you say that fear of birth could be related to the types of birth rites that are prevalent in our culture?

• Women often compare "horror stories" after birth - in what way is this a rite of passage?

• What little rituals do you practice in your daily life to help you get through tough moments?

• What can you do to honour the transition to motherhood?

Post your comments and answers...

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Sweet Home Birth Boxes - the supplies you need no matter what your birth plan includes!